Sigh….

 

Sitting in my clean and tidy house brings me such pleasure. Knowing that everything is in it’s place, that I’ve done a bit of decluttering and that the energy flows smoothly, is bliss. If I have a moment to throw some Feung Shui in there to stimulate my space, it’s heady bliss.

Reality check….

I’m not going to kid you. My house looks like a tornado went through. My wealth and prosperity corner is clogged with laundry that needs to be put away. The box I filled from my 15 minute decluttering session sits on the floor of my closet not in the trunk of my car to be dropped off the next time I head by the good will box. Oh, and my trunk? There sits a bag of books that I need to return that has ridden around with me for weeks.

Although I dream of clean and tidy, this weekend it wasn’t in the cards.

As we worked in the kitchen yesterday, cooking for the week ahead, Ken was watching football, and football, and hockey and maybe more sports. The old me would have been passively aggressively slamming cupboard doors and sighing loudly about all the work I was doing. I was score keeper extraordinaire in my earlier days.

Ha! Here’s the thing about keeping score in your relationships, there is ALWAYS a homer ref…and that is ALWAYS you. You are wearing those homer glasses you hear sporting event parents accusing the officials of. And you accuse your partner of being a slacker.

You are always going to be the hardest working player in your outcome. ALWAYS.

It’s ALWAYS going to look like you are earning MVP.

For your partner, the same will apply.

Until you shift your perspective. Until you change the game plan. Until you work together.

It’s a nail biter folks….

Allison is up 10-1 in the toilet cleaning game. I don’t think Ken can find the toilet brush.

Ken’s color commentary will sound like:

 Ken is mopping the floor with Allison in this laundry period- 100-0. Has this woman ever put a load in before?

We will see what happens at halftime with the kids lunch challenge.

( PS. Chances are Ken is winning that one too)

Ken was doing laundry the other night and I Periscoped it. Why? Because I can’t believe the number of women who ask me how I get him to do the laundry. I honestly don’t have an answer for that, other than, he wears clothes too? And really I haven’t given it much thought in a very long time. But it got me thinking about how people will keep score in relationships. Like….

  • I washed the dishes last night.
  • I put the kids to bed for the last week.
  • I cut the grass last time.

And it usually also contains the whiny phrase…

You never* _________________ (fill in the blank)

*watch that word never…it’s dangerous

Now I understand that you may have a partner who is content to let you ‘win’ every houshold event. In that case it’s hard not to keep a mental tally of what is being done to contribute to the running of your home and your family. But keeping score about what you do, the running tally,  it isn’t going to change your partners behaviour.

News Flash…you can’t change someone else’s behaviour.

Here’s what works.

We have to show up 100% in our relationships. There isn’t such a thing as a 50/50 split when it comes to working together.  When you realize that you are both 100% responsible for everything that goes on in your relationship, then you are playing for the same team. Team Players are responsible to give it their all.

You bring your 100 and I will bring my 100.

Bring your all, and I will do the same.

That’s partnership.

That’s successful relationship.

 

 

*If you are struggling with this concept and want to know how Ken and I work together to make it work, work with us. We bring a wealth of personal and professional coaching to the relationship game. Our goal is to see all relationships being lived from the space of The Pleasured Life. Contact us today.

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