While, I appreciate the fact that people are:
#1. Reading my last blog.
#2. Thanking me for my honesty and authenticity
It also makes me vomit a little bit in my mouth.
We are living in a world where we congratulate each other for being honest.
For being authentic.
For being vulnerable.
A world where the perception is that I have a ton of guts, kahunas, stones because I’m honest about where I am now because of where I’ve been.
In the Netflix Series, Black Mirror, Season 3’s first episode is a vicious and yet disgustingly accurate take on social media and our obsession with living a Polaroid lifestyle. The need to create a pretty picture becomes a habit and we make hard fought attempts to carry it out into our ‘real’ life world.
There’s a line in the episode in which one character says to another,
“When I started saying how I really felt, many of my friends looked at me like I just took a shit at their breakfast table.”
Real stuff makes people uncomfortable. Things like:
“I don’t like being a mom today. Or most days.”
“I REALLY like wine. In fact, I think I drink too much.”
“I’ve been through infidelity on both sides of my relationship.”
“I actually don’t have it together at all. I’m just figuring it out along the way, same as you!”
These are just a few of the hidden truths people could be walking around with behind the social mask. People are feeling it, but they aren’t saying it. That’s why it’s shocking and refreshing when someone does.
One of the hardest things for people to talk about is the challenges that they face in relationship. Once again, I don’t believe in failed relationship by how it is typically defined. I truly believe that people grow and change and that we need to let our relationships grow and change. Let our partners grow and change. What hit people most, in last weeks blog, was that I mentioned that in the last 24 years I had been through infidelity. Was that necessary? Yep it was.
Because relationships are hard. Getting through what Ken and I have gotten through in the last 8 years was NOT easy. And PS…It’s still work, you don’t just do relationship easy. But unless I make you privy to that, then how can I show you that it’s possible to heal from it? To work your way through it? How can you know that it isn’t a sign of a ‘failed’ relationship? How can I show you what I did so that you can make changes in your own relationships? How can I tell you, with conviction, to watch what happens when you let your partner go, release control and experience the fear of loss? How can I assure you that it’s going to be okay? Or that it might not be, and that’s okay too.
How can I let you know I have experience in the above, if you don’t know my credentials? That is a big piece of who I am, and why I’m standing here.
As I head into 2017, one of my themes is To Be Seen. To Be Seen exactly as who I am. To be un-apologetically, Allison McKee.
Brene Brown says, “Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.”
Showing up fully, it changed my marriage around. But I had to show up fully for myself first. That’s what changed the relationship. Creating a deeper connection with the most important relationship I have, allowed me to start to build a completely new one with my partner.
The first step in allowing that to happen is to show up and connect with your pain. You can’t move forward in pleasure until you’ve acknowledged pain. Otherwise, you’re going to find yourself talking about the changes you want to make in your life, relationships, health and wellness, and not taking action on them at all. I had to face my pain points head on. Shame, guilt, regret, worthiness issues.
There’s a lot of pain points that come up when you find yourself in the midst of challenges in all areas of your life. As within, so without. Your outside world is a direct reflection of your inner experience. If you want to change the outer, you need to start with the inner. Relationships included.
The more open we are to showing up in our world, courageously showing up, and allowing people to really see us, the deeper the relationship we can build with ourselves and then with others.
If you are ready to step into a full on relationship with yourself, to explore what it means to live full, show up fully for yourself, join us for our first live call on The Pleasured Life Membership. It’s complimentary, but you do need to register. It will give you an idea of the deep dive we are taking to create real lives lived on purpose this year. Exploring every and all areas of our lives and how we can bring pleasured living into them.